Christmas Depravity!

Mommy and Daddy thought it would be fun to watch a Christmas movie from when they were my age tonight but to me it was pure emotional pain.  They generally watch a steady diet of Hallmark Hall of Fame Christmas but tonight Daddy insisted we watch "A Christmas Story", I didn't know families could have so much dysfunction during Christmas!

It was truly horrific to watch. I didn't know life could be filled with so much emotional turmoil, families being torn apart because a lamp is delivered, child abuse through soap, depraved sadistic sociopaths, violence, depraved anti-social behavior caused by peer-pressure.  Oh don't forget a duck's head is eventually cut-off!

'

I just didn't know there was just so much PAIN in the world.

It was all way too much for me to handle so I chose to deal with it by turning my back, covering my ears and yelling.  

Too much to deal with!

This wasn't supposed to be what Christmas was all about!!!!

Jaxon

Pokemon Go!

I have found many things in life to be passionate about over my last six years such as Transformers, Dinosaurs and Legos but over the last couple of months I have found a passion that has so overwhelmed my life that I don't even have time to Blog.

My new passion involves scouring the greater Seattle area be it a restaurant, a copy center or a vacant lot for places where Pikachus, Squirtles and Charmanders spawn.

The sad part is that I have pretty much dominated the territory in my neighborhood and need to search out more fertile territory.  Because I am an ambitious Poke hunter this can mean I go out at anytime of day or night as well as any weather condition.  Just about anywhere could be a Pokemon Gym and if a battle starts I am determined it will be a fight to the finish even if my Daddy is shivering and just wants to keep on walking.

I also believe that the best hunting territory probably is in places others don't necessarily look.

Turns out the guys who run the liquor store know a lot about Pokemon also.  They were so nice but Daddy didn't think it was appropriate for us to hang out there all night.  Hey, if I can find a Pokemon Gym I'm going to take advantage.

Jaxon

My Olympic Dream . . . Gold Medal in Storytelling

Oh my, I can't believe time goes by so fast, it seems like just a few years ago I was watching little men in top hats choreograph dance moves at the Olympic opening ceremonies in London . . . in a blink of an eye I'm watching some of the greatest athletes in the world compete in Rio de Janeiro!

It was the usual cast of characters but with the addition of Simone Biles I'm inspired to train to be a gymnast also since I have already mastered swimming and running.

But just when I didn't think I could get any more inspiration from the Olympics I found a new source of inspiration and he shined even after his event was over.

Talk about a life lesson that could stay with me forever.  

I will always remember him as the person who taught me the art of the Tall Tale and I really put it to work tonight. 

I really wanted to go to City People's to buy something, anything really, so I told Daddy they were giving away free gold there.

Yep, now I'm feeling like I just won a Gold Medal, even if the place was closed by the time we got there.

I'm not saying there wasn't the possibility that City People's was giving away free gold just like Ryan Lochte might have been held-up.  It is just all up to interpretation.  

Bar Fly!

I've never really been to a BAR before but last weekend I had my first experience.  Well, full legal disclosure I didn't enter the roped off area, I stayed within the legal parameters.  Still, I feel like I got the full experience.  It was my Aunt Ashley's last night working there so we decided to celebrate.

First things first, get lubricated.  Nothing makes inhibition disappear in a five year old like a double root beer float.

Follow that with some guy time.  Nothing like a UFC fight on the TV to bond with the men in my family.  Especially hanging out with my Uncle Andrew and hearing that he still owned some LEGOS, very curious.

But then the REAL fun started when the house band started playing "Sweet Home Alabama."

Honestly I think I was dancing through the entire set of cover songs from the 70s and 80s.  Someone was going to sleep like a log tonight.

When they finished to one of Daddy's favorite songs,

Cheap Trick's "Surrender" and I wasn't even tired I could almost see a tear in his eye, he was so proud his son appreciated his favorite music genres.

I'm thinking I like these bars!

Jaxon

Election Season!

I am quite the Seattle boy so I don't see a lot of Trump supporters so I was a little wary when I watched the Republican Convention tonight.  Still, Daddy said I should be exposed to different perspectives.

I'm not sure I understand the tag line of MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, seems like the America that my Daddy grew-up in wasn't as "Great" as it is now, there were no Angry Birds, no iPads, only five TV channels with a maximum of maybe five hours of cartoons a week.  I didn't know if I wanted him rewinding the clock . . . but all of a sudden there SHE was.

I didn't know SHE was going to introduce him.  As you know, this boy falls under the spell of blonds very easily.

I'll have to remember that Ivanka isn't the one running for president, but if she will be around more I might be happy to go back to a world without iPads!

My Father's Son

Nothing says becoming my Father like developing a fascination with credit cards.  Daddy was fascinated the way his Papo could buy all sorts of things with his MasterCard that when my Daddy was five he squirreled one away from Papo's wallet just in case the opportunity ever came up to buy some toys.

It was only natural that I should squirrel away a card from Daddy's wallet, especially one that is GOLD and gives me access to all sorts of Hot Chocolate and Morning Buns from Starbucks.  I figured I could learn Mommy's app for ordering.

The idea was to put it back once I had used it a bit but playing Angry Birds distracted me and I forgot where I hid it.

Daddy's stern words jogged my memory a bit though.  That was like close to a week without stars unfortunately.

They're Taking Me Off The $20 Bill!?!

I got pretty worked-up today when I heard my image was being taken off the $20 bill (Or at least being put on the back).  What the heck!

I was relieved to learn that the man's name on it was actually spelled J-A-C-K-S-O-N.  Phew.

Also, he seemed never to be smiling.  Not exactly my alter ego.

And so ill tempered, I challenge Daddy to a friendly wrestling match every once in awhile but I've never challenged multiple people to duels!

This guy just seems so not me.  

Blogging Before Birth

Because Mommy was using pregnancy tests with all the unproven bells and whistles instead of a more reliable basic model I was able hide my presence for over a month.

Maybe it was the fact that she stopped liking wine or perhaps it was that huge craving for Olive Garden that made Mommy so persistent in her investigation . . . and on this day, six years ago, I was identified.

It was no wonder that I made my appearance a month earlier than my due date, suddenly I found that everyone talking about me but not being able to make my voice heard was just too frustrating, I was going to have to make an appearance and make myself heard!

Daddy filling the dishwasher with dishwashing soap instead of detergent on the night he learned about me being on the was just too juicy not to blog about, now I have my chance.

-Jaxon

If I Were An Ant . . . It Would Be A Hard Life

That was the wisdom I explained to Daddy today as I watched them work tirelessly and without question in our driveway.  The march back and forth constantly moving large objects (Some even larger than themselves), they never take time to have a play date or play Angry Birds on their Tablet.

Yeah that isn't my deal, even though I volunteer for a lot of the work I do for the family I know I can end it whenever I want and I'm not afraid to tell Daddy when its quitting time.  "Daddy, this is a lot of work for a little guy."

Glad I was born a higher life form.  

The Podcast

Daddy turned 40 this weekend and his Mommy (My Deeda) asked me to draw a present for him.  So just as an ironic joke I drew what to me seems like the most boring present possible.

Well go figure, he actually got one and he thought it was the most exciting thing ever.  With names like Thinking Sideway and The History Chicks you would think these things would be more exciting but to me the idea of adults blathering on for hours about topics I have no understanding of is probably the one thing that could actually put me to sleep.  Whenever Daddy tries putting one of these things on when I'm in the car with him I yell at him to turn on music.

I guess growing old is inevitable but hopefully I won't turn into my Daddy who reads books without pictures and enjoys Birthday parties without bouncy houses and balloons where people just stand around in clusters slowly sipping drinks doesn't sound like a fun future to have ahead of me.

Maybe I should create a Podcast of my own where I rant about not trusting anyone with a double digit age.  Even though I will be 40 someday also, my party will have a bouncy house!

I'm Back!

I know, I know, it has been well over a year but I'm an active boy now.  It's hard to just slow down and write.  Sorry.  A lot has happened.  My old pre-school closed down and we had to scramble to find a new place, the Seahawks forgot to run the ball and we didn't get another Super Bowl victory and I got a Bearded Dragon. Phew!

So many events and so little time to blog.  But today I'm so frustrated by my situation I needed an outlet.

The Tonsillectomy was sold to me as a way that I would sleep better with the fringe benefits of living off of popsicles and milkshakes for a week.  Well, I'm stir crazy.  Thankfully, because of the internet everybody in the world can now hear about my frustrations.

I'm Back, and I'm Bad!